About a week ago, I was overcome by an aching, longing for a second child. It had been a while since I had felt like there was a gaping hole in my heart. I started crying and then went to find H to discuss how I was feeling. I know, knew in that moment, that I don't have the energy to start from scratch again with a newborn, but thought if we could give G a sibling a couple of years younger than her then it would be good.
So we opened the discussion of adopting an older child from our local child services organization. I am now so torn about moving forward. I don't know if I am built to be an adoptive mother. Not sure if I am equipped to handle the special needs that most of these children have. The unknown scares me - what if the child and G don't mesh, what if this creates more problems than it fixes, what if the child doesn't he bond with us?
Here is the amazing thing. Once we had the conversation, and I had voiced my feelings, and we had agreed to look into adoption, then that hole went away.
Now I am wondering if I just needed to be reassured that adoption is a possibility.
I am coming here, to my little corner of the interwebs, to try to figure out my feelings.
Why do I want to adopt?
- We are financially and emotionally able to care for a second child
- My vision of our family has always had more than one child
- It would be good for G to have a sibling.
- I think a child would benefit from the love and support that we could offer
Why don't I want to adopt?
- Fear of messing up a good thing
- Financially, we are in a good place that includes being able to travel a couple of times a year. If we adopt that will change
- Fear of the unknown.
So much to think about; if anyone is reading and has some advice feel free to let me know!